The Dame’s Tips for mating season

Ahh, spring: such a time to be alive. No matter where you are, the (yet coming) winter thaw means mating season is upon us – for rabbits, other *waves hand dismissively* wildlife, and for humans already wet for a summer romance. This month I’ve decided to impart wisdom that will help you pair off, and hopefully get off, in the new old-fashioned way: online...

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The Dame's Tips for a Fabulous Birthday

I’m not too concerned about getting older because I have a pact with my Dearest Companion. He’s a friend so divine that if we were living in 1930’s New York, he and I would have a celebrated marriage of convenience, and owned a penthouse notorious for being frequented by gorgeous young men. Social acceptance of homosexuality and fiercely independent women have progressed to a point where we don’t need to wed to maintain our freedom. We still talk of growing old together in a beautiful mansion with sprawling grounds. Oh, and with a… “pool boy internship program”...

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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips: Spring Cleaning Edition

I know Mother Nature has been a frosty bitch the last few weeks (god love her), but a little birdie told me that spring is coming early. Still, March is a fickle mistress, and little birdies’ weather predictions sometimes feel like a strategy to prevent a SAD-induced riot. Darling, you must be prepared for anything.


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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips: The Sex Edition

Congrats, darlings – January is the Monday of the year and you’re almost on the other side. Naturally, this month’s topic is sex. Do I love Valentine’s Day? You bet I fucking do. Red is my colour (when I’m not wearing black), conversation hearts are a seasonal delight, and whether or not its modern iteration is influenced by Big Greeting Card and the Lingerie Lobby, it’s a holiday devoted to love and sex, which are, upon serious reflection, my two favourite things. Baby, my sun, moon and rising signs are all fire – I am a passionate woman who waits for no one. And neither should you, dear readers! So, let’s get off! I mean, let’s begin.

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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: The Holiday Edition

I have to admit, at first I struggled with this month’s tips because I just found absolutely everything a goddam cliché. I didn’t want to be some tired third rate Buzzfeed Karen telling you to shop local or some shit, because I’m sure you do, and actually, I don’t really care.

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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: November Edition

Greetings darlings and happy Hallows’ Eve. Typically, I like to start by telling you how pickled I am, or something along those lines of indulgence, but the truth of the matter is that I am holed up in The Dame Den with something god awful happening in my back. Isn’t that a bore? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not a sex sprain, my dear.

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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips for Surviving the Patriarchy: October Edition

It is finally here – sweater. fucking. weather. Normally I would be donning my fall furs and revelling in the bliss that rises in my heart when the mercury drops, but I can’t. Darlings, I may be The Dame, but I have had a hard time keeping my fucking composure the last couple weeks, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.

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Ali SchofieldThe Dame
The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: September Edition

Ahhh, September. It’s back to school time, darlings, and I’ve got a hankering for an afternoon at The Paper Place and a stiff… drink. If only there were some Tom Hanks character to send me a bouquet of sharpened pencils, though truth be told these days I’d settle for Post Malone and a Bud Light. Haha, no, that’s just a hilarious joke – it’s Tom Hanks or die and The Dame does not consume beer water.

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The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: August Edition

Put your face on ice. One of the things that helps me stand the summer weather is keeping my skincare products in the fridge. I’m talking toner, moisturizer, wrinkle cream that is, to this point, thankfully still preventative. I may not have wrinkles, but I am old enough to describe something like this as a sincere treat.

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The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: July Edition

While I’m all for the outdoor drinking that comes with warm weather, I hold the unpopular opinion of not being a ‘summer person’. Despite having lived in Africa and having travelled to myriad humid destinations, I never long for the film of sweat that covers one’s body when the mercury rises above 30 degrees.

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