We need to talk about messy humans

Good morning gorgeous. It's so lovely to see you on this muggy summer morning! Today's letter is a news-free one as I will be practicing what I preach and chilling out up North all week sans-cell service. I highly recommend a digital detox to remember what the world was like before Trump started yelling incoherent nonsense through Twitter, reinventing the English language in a way no one requested. I hope you find some time this week to set your phone down (or chuck it in a lake) and just enjoy being alive.


Recently I found an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on life and love, and in it, she's asked about perfectionism. She says we need to get clear on what perfectionism really is before we can combat it:

A lot of perfectionists actually secretly think it's a virtue. The trick is to expose it, to pull off its fake mask and to call it by its real name, which is fear. Fear that you're not good enough, fear that you're not worthy, fear that you're going to revealed, uncovered, exposed. Perfectionism is just fear in high heels and a mink coat trying to be fancy.

A lot of books go unwritten, companies not-started, and art uncreated, because we tell ourselves it has to be perfect. We need more money, a lucky break, 6 months off work, to create it. But those conditions never magically arrive— because, of course they don't. We tell ourselves that it has to be perfect before we can show it to anyone. Perfect is our security blanket, it gives us a way out the vulnerability demanded by public creation. So our work stays in the dark, where no one can see it, where no one can judge it, where no one can connect to it, where no one can be helped by it.

Here's the thing though, friends:
If we choose comfort over fear, we will never create.
If we let the judgement of others determine our path, we will remain stagnant.
If we wait for it to be perfect, it will never exist.

Our art is a reflection of our humanity, and our humanity is messy and imperfect. So in the beginning, our early art, our companies, our ideas, our writing will be messy and imperfect— and that's OK. It still needs to exist.

If you have something you want to create, take the first small step today and write it down without crossing it out. Baby steps are still steps, baby.

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Something to make you laugh
Your root chakra is really dry. It's like a dust bowl.

Something to make you think
The Soviet Space Program was not woke.

Something to jam to
Trixie Mattel plays Yellow Cloud in the can.

Something else to make you laugh
Dulce Sloan like to break her oppression down to make it manageable.

Something to read this morning
The article The Crane Wife by CJ Hauser turned me into a puddle. It reminded me of a time when I pretended not to need love or words of affirmation from a partner so I could be considered a "cool girlfriend". It reminded me of all of the women who are told their human desires for love and affection are "needy". Our requests to be treated kindly and with dignity, "sensitive". It reminded me that we need to tell young girls that they deserve to feel wanted, cared for, thought of, and loved by their partners. That those are pre-requisites for a relationship. It's the bedrock, not the frills.

If you need to hear it, please know you deserve those things and so much more. If you aren't getting them, it's time to leave.

An excerpt from The Crane Wife:

He reminded me that he’d said “I love you” once or twice before. Why couldn’t I just know that he did in perpetuity?

I told him this was like us going on a hiking trip and him telling me he had water in his backpack but not ever giving it to me and then wondering why I was still thirsty.

He told me water wasn’t like love, and he was right.

There are worse things than not receiving love. There are sadder stories than this. There are species going extinct, and a planet warming. I told myself: who are you to complain, you with these frivolous extracurricular needs?

Read the whole article.

Thank you for popping by today friend, it was so lovely to see you. Come visit us on Instagram or Twitter today and say 👋🏼.


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