We need to talk about Jeff

Good morning gorgeous, I'm so excited to see you on this late summer morning. You're looking fine as hell, and I bet your brain isn't bad either. How has it only been a week? It feels like years since we caught up. I blame right-wing news pundits and the song Old Town Road. A lot has happened since we chatted last, but before we get into the firehose of wet garbage that is our world— a note on being alone.

I learned something magical in Sydney in 2016. I was there on a work trip for two weeks, and I only had one co-worker in the whole country.

I was also determined to see the city but I didn't know anyone, so I decided to run an experiment. For two weeks I would date myself. I would do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and would lean into the discomfort of doing it alone. To me, this was radical. We live in a culture that equates being alone with loneliness. As women, we’re socialized not even to go to the bathroom alone. We go in herds because relieving your bladder is a team sport. I assumed that if I ate alone my high school bully would appear in a cloud of smoke to remind me that I am in fact, a loser.

But I didn't have a choice, so I took myself out to dinner. And then to the Opera House to see Macbeth. And then to the Aquarium. It was scary and uncomfortable. Until it wasn't. And then, it was goddamned magical.

We can preach self-love from every rooftop, but what about self like? We're skipping an important step here friends! You know the drill, before you fall in love you kinda like someone, and then you get a crush. But with ourselves, we're expecting to be able to skip straight to the hardest part. Maybe we should try taking our fine asses out for a meal before we start throwing around the L-word.

Dating yourself is uncomfortable at the start, but aren't all first dates awkward as hell? Your instinct is to call a friend or text furiously (if I look like I have friends than I'm not alone, right?!). But doing that is missing the point— because you are the point. You deserve to give yourself a chance— because self-like opens so many doors.

Liking yourself means you don't need anyone else to fill the silence.
Liking yourself gives you the power to walk away from any relationship that doesn't serve you, because being alone isn't as scary when you like you.
Liking yourself means that you are enough.

So this week I want you to find some time to take your gorgeous self on a date. Might I recommend a nice French restaurant and then to that movie no one else wants to see? Lean into the discomfort. Keep your phone in your bag. Get to know yourself in the silence.

You may even develop a little crush. 😘

Do you know a friend who needs to hear this?
Forward them the letter, or send it to them now ♥︎


We need to talk about Jeff
It was a hint that he demanded to be called Jeffrey. Go fuck your second syllable, I'm taking it back.

Anyway, over the weekend Jeff Epstein died by suicide in prison. Epstein's death has the Twitterverse in a tizzy of conspiracy theories, but here is neither a conspiracy nor a theory: Epstein was trash.

People say not to speak ill of the dead, but today let's ignore them. Jeff was a pedophile and child trafficker who lured children to his properties and sexually abused them. He hurt dozens of young girls. You can hear some of their stories through incredible investigative reporting by the Miami Herald. He took teenagers to his island in the Bahamas and hid their passports. He used his money to coerce girls to lure their teenage friends into abuse. He nicknamed his jet The Lolita. I'll give you a moment to vomit. Back? Keep the bucket close. The first time he was found guilty of these crimes, his sentence was laughably light, what they call 'a billionaire special'. The survivors of his abuse deserve a proper trial and real justice, and now they won't get it.

The criminal case is closed, but additional cases are likely, probably to the dismay of Alan Dershowitz, Bill Clinton, and Prince Andrew— all high profile men who took trips on Epstein's skeezy jet. Dershowitz and Andrew are implicated in crimes by one of Epstein's victims, so the Royal family is in some hot tea. Yaass Queen, your son may have committed sex crimes.

There is a silver lining, you can see it if you squint. Going forward the victims can still file civil suits, and Epstein's co-conspirators can still be arrested. We'll learn more about the crimes of the rich and super gross in the coming months. We know one abuser is finished hurting girls— and that will have to be enough for now.

"I’ve known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy,” Donald Trump told New York in 2002. “He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it—Jeffrey enjoys his social life.”

Something to make you laugh
Candice Thompson isn't trying to get stabbed for love.

Something to make you both angry and believe in humanity
I think I speak for all of us when I say, fuck this racist lady at Starbucks. Who knew the dude making your Caramel Macchiato could also stand up so gracefully to grotesque racism?

Something to know for today
The protests in Hong Kong are happening for a good reason.

Something else to make you laugh, hard
John Mulaney has beef with crate moving guy from Law and Order.

Thank you for popping by today, it was so good to catch up. Please come on by Instagram and say hi, or if you're the character-limit type, we're on Twitter at @wnttathis. I hope you have a beautiful day.


P.s If you have a friend, colleague, pet, or distant family member who should read this email — please take a moment to send it to them. I keep writing this little baby every week because this community keeps growing, and that's because of you. Thank you.