We need to talk about butts
Good morning gorgeous, it's so lovely to see you on this unnecessarily frigid morning. It's hump day on a short week, so we're all in The Good Place. Grab a blanket and a latte, get cozy and let's catch up, shall we?
9/10 times I look in the mirror and my reflection says something rude back at me. My internal Regina George reminds me that I’m just not quite thin enough, that my nails aren’t #goals, my skin isn’t “glossy” enough (whatever the fuck that means). I sigh, nod in agreement with my internal mean girl and feel tired.
I’m sick of the tired.
We are receiving near constant feedback that we are just not good enough. Not fit enough, healthy enough, our skin isn’t glowy or dewy or matte or however the fuck it’s supposed to be in Feb of 2019, I can’t keep up. We need a serum, a new gym, a rose quartz roller thing to, uh, roll our faces? Really?!
The messages say we need to wake up at 5 am to make a green smoothie and meditate. Fuck, maybe we do, but the stress of being bullied into it by an industry that is far more interested in our wallets than our wellbeing is kinda bullshit.
Looking in the mirror and saying “I like the way I look” is a profound act of rebellion in a society designed to make us hate ourselves.
Today, maybe just for a moment, we should try.
Do whatever you need to do to feel sexy. Inject things into your face, go flip over truck tires, Sephora it up, or do absolutely nothing at all. I’m not here to judge. We perform our identity, and we deserve to choose how that performance looks.
I am here to cheer you on, and to prod you, ever so delicately, to be a bit more gentle with yourself. We’re lucky to have vessels to bob around this weird life in— we should treat them with care and love, not disdain. You deserve to talk to yourself with overwhelming love and admiration, so give it a go. I'll try it too, so now we're in it together. This morning let's stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath, and tell our personal Regina Georges to stfu.
We need to talk about Butts, and I cannot lie
Let me tell you a story of Canadian politics. Wait, no, don't go back to sleep Karen! I know it's hard to pay attention—Trump is starting a damn Space Force and building a golf simulator in the White House. Our Canadian scandals would bore Shonda Rhimes, but we need to get our heads in the game!
Let’s start at the beginning. SNC Lavlin is a Quebec engineering and construction firm, and the Mr. Burns of companies. In 2015 the RCMP launched a federal investigation into SNC for some shady dealings with Libya where they allegedly bribed some public officials. Unsurprised. They also, allegedly, lied a lot, to the tune of 130 million dollars. If found guilty they'd be unable to work on government contracts for 10 years. This is not good for a Canadian government who knows this company employs 8,500 Canadians, many in a province critical to the next election.
This is where we meet our next star, Jody Wilson-Raybould the former Cabinet Justice Minister and Attorney General. Wilson-Raybould's office oversaw the investigation into SNC Lavalin. Sources told the Globe and Mail that Trudeau's office pressured Wilson-Raybould to give SNC the equivalent of a plea deal. As you can imagine, the Prime Minister's Office pressuring the Justice Minister to do something politically advantageous to him is uh, not fucking cool bro.
Wilson-Raybould's office didn't give the plea deal. Then it gets worse. In January Wilson-Raybould was demoted to Veteran Affairs Minister. I'm sure those things are totally unrelated though, right? #feminism. She resigned last week.
The most recent development in this Tim Hortons scandal is the resignation of Gerry Butts on Monday. *insert clever butt joke here*. Ger-Bear was Justin Trudeau’s closest aide and one of his oldest friends. He’s often referred to the brains of the Prime Minister’s operation. It doesn't look like he did anything wrong, but even The Beaverton knows that dudes who did nothing wrong don't spontaneously quit their jobs. Sherlock, we have a mystery...
A parliamentary committee will be investigating, and Wilson-Raybould has already been called to testify. Keep your ear to the ground until next week's episode of "Double-Double Trouble". (I hate to leave you on that cliff hanger but I need to make Shonda at least a little bit proud.)
We need to talk about THIS GUY AGAIN
Remember Nicholas Sandmann, the smug MAGA kid who mocked Nathan Phillips, an Indigenous leader and veteran outside the Lincon Memorial in January? This teenage petri dish of racism, white privilege, and entitlement issuing the Washington Post for $250 million. Let that fact rattle around the ol' brain canister for a moment. Sandmann, a frat paddle in training, is claiming the paper used its platform to bully him to forward their anti-Trump agenda. He's listed as an "innocent child". They chose the amount because it's what Bezos paid to acquire the paper— because of course, they did.
This is just another layer to a story that showed us, yet again, a white teenager can be horrible and get away with it. They might even get invited on the Today Show, to the White House, and then launch a multi-million dollar lawsuit about it. This is magnified white privilege, and it's disgusting.
Something to read
9 Perfect Strangers is scary, human, bingeable, and so so good.
Something to make you laugh
12 women on their first crushes
The Predator — He’s a huge fucking frog with dreads. The mucus on his face … is a sexual mucus. Heat seeking, and you know what that means (I do not know what that means). Rip my skull out, big guy...
Something pretty great
New York is the first city to ban hairstyle policies that discriminate against black people.
Something to come to
DevTO is hosting its 5th annual International Women's Day event on March 4th. I'll be there (and maybe on stage to talk for a bit). Come say hi!
Something to start your day to
Lizzo did the damn thing again.
Something to get you through
i reduced my body to aesthetics
forgot the work it did to keep me alive
with every beat and breath
declared it a grand failure
for not looking like theirs
searched everywhere for a miracle
foolish enough not to realize
i was already living in one
- Rupi Kaur
Thank you for coming by the fire this morning friend. It was awesome to share a bit of your morning. If you liked it, please share this letter with friends who would like it. One of my goals for 2019 is to grow this weird little community, and I'm so grateful for your help.
Sending you love,