We need to talk about the never ending SoulCycle
Good morning gorgeous. I hope you've had a wonderful rest, and if you haven't, call in a mental health day and stay in bed. You deserve to take care of that.
Today I’m going to try something a bit different. We're going to take a small break from politics and news to connect and laugh today. Sometimes getting a garbage truck of news to your face in the am doesn’t feel awesome, and I get it. Today is a rest.
OK, mostly a rest. Sarah Huckabee Sanders stepped down this week, so the Press Secretary that never pressed or secretaried will continue not to do either thing. Thanks for breaking democracy Sarah, I'll look for your mediocre makeup tutorials on YouTube. Tootles.
For this morning, I want to talk a bit about night creams and big dreams.
When I turned 30, something subtle changed; I started googling people's ages. At first, I thought it was a general curiosity, but then I talked to friends and we were all doing the same thing. We all started googling around the same time, our 30th birthday. It wasn't just curiosity, we were using the ages of people we admire as a measuring stick, to see if we were behind.
Behind has become a theme with the ambitious, brilliant women I spend my time with. Everyone, no matter how successful or wonderful they are, feels behind. We have these incredibly high expectations of ourselves and our careers, and if we’re not already an “influencer”, a billionaire, or Oprah yet— we’ve failed.
We keep riding ourselves and still feeling like we aren’t where we need to be. We whisper to ourselves "When I get this thing, I’ll feel better", only to get that thing and still feel behind. It’s a shitty SoulCycle class that will go on for eternity, and Ashley will always have a better ass.
We collect achievements like Pokemon; we have to catch THEM ALL. Then we measure our collections against those of the people we know, and the people we admire. Our collections can always be bigger, so we feel behind, and scramble to what’s next.
We are telling ourselves ‘what I have done isn’t enough’, when we are really feeling ‘who I am isn’t enough’.
We have to cut it out. The comparison, the feeling behind, the constant striving. You can’t benchmark your story against someone else’s, because only you can live your story. Take inspiration from the successful, but don’t compare your story to theirs. You don’t know theirs, and it’s probably a lot more complex and painful than you could ever imagine. Comparison is the enemy of joy, sure, but it's the enemy of community too. It hinders connection and prevents growth.
You can always have more, but what we all have to decide that who we are right now is enough. Right now. Not after you lose 5 pounds, grow your followings to 100k, host the next event, launch the next company. Right. The. Fuck. Now. Sitting in your PJs, in bed, squinting at your phone. In this moment, you are enough
Say it out loud, I am enough.
You aren’t behind, my dear, you are right where you are supposed to be. And when you get back on that shitty stationary bike, just remember that you don’t have to prove your worth through achievement. It was there all along.
I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable; I am an original. I'm not falling behind or running late. I'm not standing still: I am lying in wait.- Lin Manuel Miranda, Hamilton
The Dame's Tips for Wedding Season
The Dame Tips are a monthly guest series by wntta's resident Don Draper: an elegant hedonist who suffers no fools, The Dame herself, writer Ali Schofield.
Oh, my loves, it’s the time of year again where your friends and cousins and partner’s cousin’s friends are gathering their loved ones and grade school BFFs turned acquaintances to have an expensive party justified by true love. You’ve guessed it (or maybe your wallet is already whimpering): it’s wedding season.
As a guest, weddings can be a cumbersome and anxious affair – What do you get the happy couple? What do you wear? Do you need to buy new shoes? What if someone you’ve already slept with is there? Should you get a Brazilian to be safe? Should you bring a date? Why didn’t Jessica give you a plus one? Do you put your date’s name on the card? Do you have the money to travel to the wedding? DO YOU EVEN CARE?
I don’t necessarily have the answers to all of these questions but I’ll try: bespoke barware from Cocktail Emporium, a chic jumpsuit, yes, follow up questions – was it any good, and are you related?, yes, yes, probably because you’re single (though that doesn’t make it right), not unless you’re coupled, probably not, and also… realistically… probably not as much as you think until you get weepy at the ceremony...
Read the Dame's tips to get you through wedding season on the blog.
It's not the garden, it's the gardening that counts.
- Hannah Gadsby's Grandmother
Something to make you laugh
Jay Jurden likes to think of the female body the same way he thinks about the South...
Something to make you think
This Land is a podcast about assassination, murder, and a Supreme Court decision that will decide the fate of five tribes and half the land in Oklahoma.
Something to make you laugh, think, and cry
Hannah Gadsby wants you to keep up
Something to make you RAGE FUCKING RAGE
An NGO operating in Uganda called Serving His Children treated children suffering from malnutrition, without the proper medical expertise or equipment. An example of White Saviorism at it's most dangerous.
Something for the moms
How to be OK (and occasionally fantastic) at this whole working mom thing.
Something to act on
Here are 7 ways you can help the people of Sudan in crisis.
Thank you for coming by the campfire today friend. Come say hi on Insta, my DMs are open and I'd love to hear from you, or simply hit reply on this letter. I'll get back to you <3
P.s Please share this letter with a few friends you think would find value in it today. Do it now or if you're anything like me you'll procrastinate on it. You can forward this letter to them, or send them to wntta.co. Thank you thank you thank you.