We need to talk about paying up

Good morning gorgeous. Welcome to your Wednesday! You're looking fresh today, and I know you have something brilliant cooking in that big ol' brain of yours. Pull up a chair, and get yourself some caffeine, it's time for our weekly chat. Before we get into it, I want to chat a little bit about being "likeable".

I used to want to be everyone’s cup of tea.

I wanted to be infinitely likeable, and I would stress about meeting new people, and whether or not they liked me.

My brand of tea is spicy, feminist, opinionated. This is “too much” for a lot of people, but I always wanted to be just enough. I’d temper myself, quiet my opinions, smile demurely. I’d take my spicy hot tea and bring it down to room temperature in an effort to be likeable to everyone. I was sure if they all didn’t like me I’d crumble to ash.

As John Mulaney says, I was running for the Mayor of nothing. It was exhausting.

I had to learn a hard truth, not everyone will like you. Some people will judge you and talk about you. That sounds scary, but it’s actually not. It’s just the reality of human nature.

Like Elizabeth Gilbert says “What someone else thinks of you is none of your business.” Those are their private thoughts and judgements. Leave them alone, they aren’t our concern.

You are not for everyone, and that’s a really good thing. Have you ever tried to buy one-size-fits-all clothes? They don’t fit anyone Brandy Melville, and they’re ugly. When you try to bend yourself to be likeable to every kind of human, you fail all of them. We become unrecognizable to ourselves, and the people we love. We become the vanilla ice cream version of our personality, and no one orders that shit.

You do you, my friend, and don’t care if they like it— because they’re not all going to. Good. Did a friend send this to you? Lovely! You can join us here.


 Paying Up

So many of us have experienced that lightning bolt moment when we find out some brotato in our office is doing our same job, but making a lot more money. Really, Brad deserves 30% more money than me to lease a pre-owned BMW? Sounds about right. Anyway, the gender pay gap is real, it stinks, and it disproportionately impacts black and Hispanic women.

This week we got a pay gap reminder so glaring it was like an eclipse, and in character, Trump is probably staring. Women's soccer is gaining some serious momentum, with over 1 billion viewers watching the last FIFA world cup. As a result, last year FIFA doubled the World Cup Prize money from $15 million to $30 million. That sounds cool until you learn the men's tournament competes for a $400 million dollar pot. That's a casual gender pay gap of $370 million. *screams into pillow*

It gets more pillow-scream-worthy. This week the US Women's Soccer team beat Thailand 13-0. That's more goals than the men's team has scored in every series since 2006. Wow, boys, really earning those dollars, eh?

Badass former soccer player, advocate, and probable Star Wars character, Hope Solo has been leading the charge to fight the wage disparity. The women's team is suing the US Soccer Federation for 'purposeful gender discrimination', which while accurate, seems like an understatement. In response, the Federation is claiming the two soccer teams do different work. Solid argument you've got there, Carlos. The Federation can't even claim the men's team brings in more revenue. The women's team brought in $23 millionin additional ad revenues from winning the Cup in 2015, more than the men brought in.

So the women are better at soccer (their job), and better at bringing in money, but paid 8% of what the men are? Get your shit together, soccer.

Remember, goals are stars to steer by, not sticks with which to beat ourselves.

- Barbara Smith

Something to make you laugh
Nik Dodoni thinks gay culture is really Indian.

Something kinda great
Ethan, a college student, used the Snapchat gender filter to pretend to be a 16-year-old girl on Tinder, and successfully catfished a predator who was a cop. Everything about this is awesome (except, you know, the pervert). #genderisaconstruct

Something essential to read today
The Vatican is up to some dangerous transphobia, restating the old "two genders only" argument in a new document titled Male and Female He Created Them. Curious timing...

Something to go see right now
Booksmart was perfect. It was the movie I needed as a teenager. It was the movie I needed now. It will make you snort laugh. Get outta here.

Something to get you through
I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both.
- Brene Brown

Thank you for hanging out today. I hope you have a gorgeous, soul-filling Wednesday. Come say hi on Insta later today!

Same time next week?



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