The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: September Edition


Ahhh, September. It’s back to school time, darlings, and I’ve got a hankering for an afternoon at The Paper Place and a stiff… drink. If only there were some Tom Hanks character to send me a bouquet of sharpened pencils, though truth be told these days I’d settle for Post Malone and a Bud Light. Haha, no, that’s just a hilarious joke – it’s Tom Hanks or die and The Dame does not consume beer water.

Anyway, tis the season for basic bitch clichés, so here are my tips for side-stepping the regular to become the complex, dynamic, bad bitch that I know you are inside:

  1. Switch out that PSL for an espresso martini. Maybe not before noon, I grant you, but when cocktail hour comes around this is one of my favourites. Measure out equal parts espresso, vodka and Kahlúa and shake over ice. (Hot tip: You can just get the espresso shot to go at Tim Hortons – you’re adding hooch anyway.) I know a place that makes an excellent espresso martini, but I can’t tell you where, because yes, I am one of those people (and you are not surprised.)

  2. Try out a new tongue. As in language, darling, though I guess we’ve officially entered cuffing pre-season. I’ve dated men who spoke Spanish or Portugese, which are sexy by reputation, but the German I’m learning speaks to a more… aggressive sort of fetish. Really, I’m using Duolingo to prepare for a trip to Bavaria next fall, but I don’t think my manfriend will object when I tell him to “Nehmen Sie Ihre Kleidung”.

  3. Dress to feel yourself. Spring may be the time of nature’s rebirth but fall brings a renaissance for your wardrobe. As you consider the heft of the September issues of Porter and W, or the two-inch spine of this month’s Vogue, I have some wisdom to impart: wear whatever the fuck you like. Wear what makes you feel good, what represents you to yourself. Fall is a chance to find something new, something that catches your eye but is maybe outside the norm and say, “Fuck it. I love this.” My dears, what I’m gently saying is, unless you admire that shapeless Longchamp bag from the marrow of your bones, use the coming season as a chance to be daringly you. You may be saying, “But Dame, what if my clothes stand out?” Well, first of all it’s The Dame, and second, if you stand out then I offer my congratulations, poppet – that’s called personal style.

Well lovers, I’m off to pickle myself in champagne and German verbs, but I’ll see you next month when this weather goes back to where it belongs: Hell. In the meantime, I’ll be thinking of you!


The Dame