The Dame Tips for Fabulous Living: November Edition

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Greetings darlings and happy Hallows’ Eve. Typically, I like to start by telling you how pickled I am, or something along those lines of indulgence, but the truth of the matter is that I am holed up in The Dame Den with something god awful happening in my back. Isn’t that a bore? I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not a sex sprain, my dear. Though my manfriend’s return from abroad was exciting and, yes, a little acrobatic, I can’t fault him for my being bed ridden. Even I’m not that lucky, sometimes. So, while I’m popping naproxen and watching The Marvellous Mrs. Maisel under a fur blanket, I hope you will be dressing up as a sexy mailbox… or… something, and going out to get whatever you personally consider to be ‘candy’. (Wink!)

For now let’s focus on tomorrow. Tomorrow is November, which might put some of you in an existential funk because November has a reputation for being a sort of blah in-between month. I get it, but if you have some imagination (and you know The Dame does), November could put you in the mood for anything from cozy dinners in banquette booths at Cluny to chemical fuelled nights of electro swing with new friends and men you have yet to know biblically. (I naturally, do both.) However you choose to make the most of this month, here are a few suggestions and reminders as the holidays approach (yes, cookie, I said it – don’t shoot the messenger, be an adult and accept the passage of time) to make your life a little easier and more pleasurable.

  1. I like ‘em Dark and Stormy. It’s not just my preference in men, it’s also my cocktail of the month. There’s a proper way to do a dark and stormy, and it’s relatively easy, just like you. You need 2 oz of spiced rum (I recommend The Kraken), a couple dashes of bitters, real Jamaican ginger beer, which you can usually get in the soft drink aisle of major grocery chains, and a lime wedge or round for garnish. This sipper will warm you up, because one thing November doesn’t have going for it is weather.

  2. Don’t buy expensive glassware. Accidents happen. If you or your friends are any fun at all, a glass will get dropped, knocked over or something quasi-paranormal will happen and the damn thing will break. If you like a uniformed tumbler shelf, I suggest favouring a place like Crate and Barrel where it is easy and relatively inexpensive to replace glassware one-off. However, I feel like an eclectic collection of flutes, coupes and highballs is the mark of someone who throws a great party. I get mine at C&B, as well as antique markets, and Cocktail Emporium, which has amazing versions of all your home-bar needs. (And maybe great gifts for that at-home bartender in your life? Look! I’m helping you with your holiday shopping!) There have been dozens of glasses broken in The Dame Den, and as a result my mismatched bar looks… smashing.

  3. You don’t have to RSVP. The holidays are a precious time, and by that I mean your time is goddam precious. You don’t have to attend every event that crosses your email inbox or messenger app, in fact I’m going to challenge you to say no to half. Let’s face it darling, for at least 50% of these fucking things you don’t actually WANT to be there, so why should you? Make yourself missed and save your sanity by saying, “Fucking no, Karen. I’m sorry, I have a previous engagement,” even if said engagement is with a season of Westworld, a bottle of pinot and your favourite pleasure aid. Heavens, James Marsden is good looking, isn’t he? And honestly, twelve step Korean beauty routine be damned (but please God, not really), I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, that is the actual definition of self-care.

Well that’s it for today my loves, I have laying around to do. Luckily, The Dame has saintly friends to pick up Loblaws orders and keep me company while my muscles and joints or whatever are recuperating. So, while I may not be dressed up as my kindred character Moira Rose and sipping gin fizzes as was the plan for tonight, I raise my over the counter medications to you, and hope that tomorrow’s leftover mini Mars bars will start your month off right.


The Dame

Ali SchofieldThe Dame